Stalker

Lunch time!!!!!!! I’d been waiting on this hour since I got to work. I couldn’t wait to go on my walk. I’d been a little depressed lately and to help I started walking and listening to different types of music hoping something would give. Well it did. I’d managed to start a secret love affair with a man in the building next to mine. It was so exciting. It was hilarious how we met. He’d gotten my sandwich at the deli and I’d gotten his. We laughed about the mix up, exchanging horror stories of this particular deli and then went about our day. I started to see him all the time and that’s when I found out he worked in the building next to me. I saw him again at the deli. He waved but was in a rush to get back to work. I’d been alone for so long. I dreamed of us meeting to walk and talk and fantasize about dumb things we would never do.

I still don’t know how it happened because it was completely out of character for me. And it must’ve been out of character for him as well because he was always nervous when he saw me. I knew he felt the same attraction I did. I’m not completely dumb, I knew he had to have someone at home but you can’t fight true love. He was so handsome and smart. He had to be shy though because whenever he saw me he would try to hurry off. I would wait outside my building until I saw him and then I would start walking. I felt safe knowing he was nearby while I was walking. My music was usually loud so I’m sure he thought I didn’t want to talk. I just knew our conversations would be deep and thoughtful. That’s what people in relationships have right? Deep and thoughtful and meaningful conversations about things that mattered. Our love mattered and we would’ve discussed that often. He would turn and give me a smile when I was getting too close. It was his signal to me that people were watching and I had to slow down but that he still cared about my feelings. Today was going to be magical though. I was finally going to take a chance and walk beside him. I was going to make the first move since he was shy. I prayed before I left my desk that he wouldn’t think I was too aggressive but I couldn’t stand it any longer. I decided to wait in front of his building this time. I watched all of the people out on their lunch break; sitting, eating, reading, relaxing. They didn’t have what I was going to have. An hour of pure bliss with the man of my dreams. I checked my watch to see what time it was. He was late today. I started to worry that he might’ve been out sick or something. I moved closer to the front doors; more people came and went and 30 minutes had already passed. I started to get angry. This is why we should’ve exchanged phone numbers long ago. I could’ve texted him or called to see if he was going to be late. My stomach was rumbling now. I was hot and hungry and now my lunch break was almost over. Today was supposed to be magical. I paced in front of the doors hoping he would appear. I felt so nervous. My palms were sweaty and my heart was pounding. What if he saw me and got nervous that I would reject him. What if he was out imagining life with someone else? I couldn’t believe he stood me up on our magical day. I stopped and stared at the door. I willed him to show up. To just walk out of the door and give me some sort of explanation but he never came. Ever. I wanted to just go inside the building and ask for him but I didn’t know his full name. His name at the sandwich shop was always Michael B. Maybe the security guards would know him if I described him. Maybe they knew what floor he worked on. I just needed an explanation. I started to cry like a lost child. I just needed to know what was going on.

A security guard asked if I needed help. I told him I was waiting on a friend. He nodded at me and then started to ask me a million questions. I felt uncomfortable. I didn’t want Michael to think I was interested in this man if he saw me. He asked me my friend’s name and I told him Michael B. I told him that he was actually my boyfriend and I was just waiting for him to come out for our walk. I told him and he just smirked. His face was starting to get red and his tone changed from friendly to mean. He kept asking for Michael’s last name. I didn’t know it and I couldn’t tell him I lied about him being my boyfriend. Two more security guards showed up from out of nowhere. One stood so close I could smell his breath. It reeked of cigarettes and coffee and shit. Who doesn’t realize their breath smells like shit? The small one was looking for trouble. He asked me if I really had a boyfriend. I was so angry. Did these idiots think I was making this up? I screamed and cursed at them and then the police showed up. I couldn’t believe this was happening. Today was supposed to be magical. I sat in the back of the squad car explaining my situation to two cops who barely cared. I was shaking and they asked if I was on medication. I didn’t understand what was going on. I watched as one of the officers went to talk to the guards. I couldn’t believe it when I saw the doors of the building open and Michael B. walk out. I screamed so loudly it startled the cop standing outside the car. He slammed the door and told me to calm down. Michael walked toward the officer and started speaking with him. I knew he would save me. He pointed. They pointed. He pointed towards the streets where we walked. He kept talking but never made make eye contact with me. He didn’t smile to let me know I was alright. He looked afraid. He looked at me like I was a stranger. I knew right then our love affair was over and he would never acknowledge what he had. I’d lost my love and I didn’t even know what I’d done.